What was the most recent situation that made you feel uncomfortable?

You mean besides everything, ’cause anxiety?

What was the most physical pain you felt this year?

Car accidents are bad. 0/5 stars. Do not recommend.

What was the last thing you celebrated?

My grandpa’s birthday. Before that, my birthday (with POPPLE CAKE!!!!…not this fancy, though), my brother’s birthday, and my grandma’s 95th birthday. Yay birthdays!

Who would you want to talk to that’s dead? What would it be?

What would what be? The dead person? Let’s assume this is supposed to ask what the conversation would be about…Well, I think hanging out with Mr. Rogers would be super duper awesome. We’d talk about EVERYTHING. ‘Cause he’s Mr. Rogers. My grandpa would also be on the list. We’d talk about everything, ’cause he’s grandpa. (Not grandpa who’s birthday was previously mentioned.)

I think a party with Mr. Rogers, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Bill Nye, LeVar Burton, Sir Patrick Stewart, and Malala Yousafzai (plus me, of course) would be lovely. Since Mr. Rogers is the only one of them not still alive, we could all watch his show together to include him. It seems totally possible.



What the World Needs Now

Oh hey, internet. I’ve time to type, so I’m going to do another one of those journaly question things today. But, when you read this, it won’t be today anymore ’cause I’ll schedule it to post on a different today. Cool, eh?

What is the most touching thing you’ve seen lately?

The first thing that comes to mind for this happened a week or two ago after one of my story telling sessions. While we were setting up the story for others to see, one new little boy (3 years old) was waiting his turn to place his part of the story and a little girl who was new last year (almost 6 years old) started talking to him. They walked around a bit, and he found a picture of his family on a poster. He pointed to it and told her who was in the picture, and she held his hand and listened, occasionally saying little comments to encourage him to keep talking (even though she couldn’t understand all of his words–she asked me for clarification). Then, she made sure he put his story piece down when it was time and made sure he would get back to his family alright.

If you could take home a zoo animal, what would it be?

Ignoring any practicality or legality or safety or other issues, I’ve thought about penguin kidnapping. I’ve been to a zoo that has an open, above-ground penguin space. It would be so easy to stick a net in and catch one! Mr. Popper’s Penguins may also have influenced the idea. Fennec foxes, polar bears, red pandas, binterongs, moose, skunk…things that aren’t mammals…lots of neat animals at the zoo. None really good for taking home.

When did you last prove someone wrong?

Maybe not the last time, but the most interesting was sometime within the last couple of months on Facebook. One of my friends (actually, the boyfriend of a friend) posted some photo meme about race and violence and stuff like that. It posed the question “What am I missing?” about why black people rioting is okay or some stupid thing like that. I answered the question with facts, including “It’s not okay. Nobody’s saying it is.” He, and a few super rude friends of his who’ve never met or talked to me before, took that as a reason to attack me and lob insults like “Your a stupid liberal” and “Go to your safe space” and “Go away little girl” and other things like that. You know the type. Well, I left the conversation, but they kept attacking me and asking me questions. I eventually responded. After quite a while, he said something that was basically condemning what he and they had done to me, but he thought he was just insulting me/people like me, and also said he was always attacked for his opinion on Facebook when clearly the opposite was happening. I pointed that out and said something about hoping, if they got anything out of this, they’d at least realize we all have more in common than they think. I also said something about safe spaces not being an insult but I’m voluntarily participating in a super insulting and disagreeing space and they were the ones trying to get rid of any feelings/ideas they didn’t like (which isn’t what a safe space is anyway). His friends attacked once more, and he actually stepped in and said something like, “Guys, she’s right. She’s been nothing but polite and truthful here. It’s time to stop.” The others made a few more posts, but then gave up. I haven’t seen a post quite that bad from him since (though I don’t actually check his page).



Worth a Try for this Young One

I have an app on my phone that’s supposed to be a journal made easy. It poses a question every day. In theory, I write an answer, and have my responses saved for whatever purpose whenever I want them, plus journaling is generally healthy. But, of course, that’s not what actually happens. So, I had an idea. In an effort to actually write here more often and with more purpose (or maybe not), I’ll use those questions/answers for blogginess. Feel free to comment on my answers or add your own.

Have you ever felt discriminated against?

I’ve definitely encountered (usually) subtle/unintentional but definite discrimination based on my age, especially from people just a smidge older than my parents. Most of it is along the lines of me giving an idea, suggestion, opinion, etc. and having that totally ignored/dismissed (even when it’s specifically asked for)…often, this is followed by the same person either using the idea as their own later or taking the same comment seriously when it comes from someone older (even when I have as much or more relevant knowledge/experience as the older person).

One odd (to me) example was two women in their mid 60s-early 70s. They were telling a group we’re all part of about how they wanted to start a Qigong group for exercise. Somebody asked what the word meant. They didn’t know. I explained something about it being about Qi/Chi…and they interrupted/shut me down with “No, it’s not. It’s spelled differently.” Then went on telling more things that weren’t entirely true. If we’re going to engage in cultural appropriation, let’s at least know the most basic definition of a thing, okay? It’s not hard; I mean, two seconds on Google or a few minutes at a local library would give you that much. Also, transcription, transliteration, and translation are full of such things. Multiple spellings for a word is not a new concept (even just within English…unless colour doesn’t mean the same as color).

They’re probably the two people who do this to me the most. They also talk about me as if I’m not good enough to have any sort of opinion or leadership role when they think I can’t hear them (“She really needs to learn better” and “Who does she think she is?” and actually something like “She’s too young to be here”; please note I barely talk to them or anyone else unless approached, because anxiety, so it’s not like I’m running around giving everyone unwanted suggestions or demanding control or anything like that…they do that, though. Who do they think they are? They really need to learn better.). When those comments were made, I was less than 15 feet away, directly opposite them after a meeting, in an otherwise empty and silent room, and their volume was like that of little kids who haven’t quite learned how to whisper yet but really want to, like they were trying to be secretive but really not succeeding. I guess being young has some advantages when it comes to hearing and being nice. (Not really, obviously they’re not representative of all or most people their age. I know this is a them thing and not a their age thing. Actually, I have a lot of friends close to their age. They think I’m pretty cool, and I think they’re pretty cool. Because we’re nice people who don’t think a person’s value is based on how long they’ve been alive. But it would be a comment I’d make to them if I thought they’d get it.)

Similarly, but also with a bit of discrimination based on preferences due in part to mental illness and also possibly a bit about gender in a weird way, one of those women apparently hates that email is a form of communication (at least when used by young women she’s perhaps a bit intimidated by).
She actually made a meeting with two supervisor-type people and me to complain about how I sent her an email with a few questions. (I had gone to one of them, a woman a bit younger than this main character, because of the dismissive and insulting response I got from her; main character demanded the additional mediator, an older man, and the meeting in general, so that she could…get me in trouble? Validate her treatment of me? Pretend she’s always right? Pretend I’m never right? Cover up her actual mistakes that she eventually admitted to but still didn’t want to correct?).
I see her at most once a week, and the questions needed to be addressed right away. I wrote succinctly and politely, even complimenting her and clearly stating “I don’t think this is a problem” for one part (“…but it is different from how we’ve done it in the past, so we need to make sure everyone knows ahead of time.”).

She decided I was saying she wasn’t good at anything and should just give up on everything. She said that in front of the supervisors in response to something I said that was not even about her, but a general statement about programs that are developmentally appropriate being a good thing that we have going. Apparently, she didn’t know what “developmentally appropriate” meant and thought it was some subjective thing I was saying we didn’t have because of her? (Also, I’d never tell anyone that they’re not good at anything, because it’s really stupid and against all my philosophies for life, but whatever.)
Eventually, they convinced her that I might have some good ideas because I do indeed have  relevant knowledge and experience and training and education, and she, in an obviously insincere manner, asked for an idea for an upcoming event. I gave one. The supervisors liked it. She said she’d do it. She didn’t. She didn’t even pretend, and, surprise, the event didn’t go very well because it was poorly designed for the target group. I ended up leading a few spontaneous activities because it was basically over after five minutes…and there were over 30 minutes left. I wonder what might have helped avoid that? Or what could have helped make the next similar event not a repeat of those problems? She saw all that, and actually acknowledged that it was good I knew what to do then…but didn’t seem to be able to apply that realization to anything else.
Yet I was the one “in trouble” at the end of the meeting and told to change. Apparently type is not something people can understand. (Because books haven’t been a thing for centuries?) I was told that I should only communicate with anyone there through face to face talking, except maybe for specific scheduling (which the original email was, so…?).

Way to totally ignore a whole bunch of neurodiversity and mental illness issues (plus general comfort, productivity, and practicality). Thanks. (Yes, the psych part is known to the male supervisor. He just doesn’t seem to get it. He also uses email and writes newsletters frequently. So…?) (Now, there’s a new supervisory type person who is a man close to her age and who prefers email/other text-based communication for efficiency and later reference. He also values my knowledge and experience. Ha!…well, the fact that he types doesn’t seem to bother her, only if I or one of the few other women under 40 do it. *Sigh*)

There was also the time, with the male supervisor-type and a group of adults of various ages during planning for hiring that new guy, when another similarly dispositioned woman said something about how we’d obviously need to hire someone just out of college for the job (with other comments about age and gender, and totally ignoring that college can happen at any point in a person’s life after high school, not just at 18-23). I said I didn’t think that mattered (because age isn’t a good requirement for a job? Isn’t that obvious?), and supervisor man plus a couple others expressed surprise that I would say that…because I’ve only been out of college for a few years so obviously I must think that matters?
Part of the job involved working with kids and teens, but a lot is also with parents and adults in general. Some of the people there seemed to be under the impression that kids and especially teens would not like or respect anyone “old” even though they had absolutely no evidence for that. Most of the “favorite teachers” I know, who work with kids and teens every day, are not just a few years older than their students (though some are, because…kids don’t care!). We ended up with a man in his late 50s (I think), which is probably good because some of them seem to actually have the opposite problem they thought the kids might (but don’t, because duh). Adults these days…*shakes head*

Well, that’s enough for now, I think. Hope that wasn’t too bitter and/or snarky and/or full of punctuation marks for you.

Oh, also, people discriminate against sheep all the time. Buildings and all the rest of society are almost never ungulate-friendly. Please check your privilege.

Camp Reunion

I’m currently at my camp summer staff reunion.  As far as I can tell, I’m the only one awake.  There are men sleeping in a fort in the main room.  It’s awkward, but I don’t want to wake up my roommate, so I’m typing in the main room, too.  The men make strange sounds while sleeping.  One sounds like a puppy.  I don’t think that’s a good sign.

My hand hurts.  A lot.  And I don’t know why.  I don’t like it.  If it starts to bother me more, I’ll stop typing and play Pokemon Yellow instead.  That should help, right?

Last night, we used henna.  Now, Pikachu’s face is on my forearm.  It’s a very traditional design.  We also had a white elephant gift exchange, which was fun.  I ended up with Pokemon stuff from Goodwill, including a Peep toy colored to look like Pikachu.  And we watched the first Pokemon movie last night.  It was awesome.

I think the agenda for today is just hanging out and eating breakfast.  Then, those of us who are staying will probably go somewhere for lunch.  We’re having a retreat this weekend, and it’s going to be fun, so I’m staying for that.  I’ll have to leave early so that I can teach Sunday school.  I’m excited to get back to that, because we’ve been off for two weeks and the week before was the Christmas program, so we didn’t have class.  That reminds me, I was going to make another thank you card.  I made one already, for the boy who gave me a gift, but a girl gave me one later and I was busy with Christmas so it kind of slipped my mind.  Also, my crafty stuff got put away, so it’s going to be harder to find it and work on a card for her.  But I shall.  And I’ll put a kitty sticker on it, because I know she loves kitties.

Last night was good.  I talked to a lot of people and we hugged and laughed.  Towards the end, I talked to one of my best camp/church friends about the people I met in psych hospitals in high school.  It was fun, and something I haven’t talked about a lot, but was good to talk about.  We also talked about people at our church that we don’t really like as much as we could.  That was good, too.

When are other people going to get up?  I’ve been sitting in here for half an hour already…hmm…seems longer, but that’s what the clock tells me.

Now one of the men said something.  I have no idea what the words were supposed to be.  It was just mumbles.  But maybe, if I keep listening, he’ll say something interesting.

What else?  I guess I could tell you about Christmas and such.

The boss is here now, and he woke up the fort men.  That’s the end of that fun.  Although the dream that he just described was pretty interesting.  Guess it’s time to get breakfast.

You want thingamabobs? I got 20

But who cares…no big deal…I want more

Wandering free…wish I could be part of that world

There’s more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done

Don’t mind me; I’m just listening to Disney Pandora.

I made a baby dragon today.  Well, he started out as an alien last night; now, he’s a baby dragon.  I shall take a picture of him later.

What shall I do now?  I want to make something else, but what?  I needle felted the dragon; I could make friends for him, or make aliens and an alien landscape.  I only feel like doing that in small doses, though.  What else should I do?  Suggestions are appreciated.  Maybe I should start working on my quilt.  I could totally cut out squares.

Well that was a short post.  I promise something more interesting will come up eventually.  For now, I’m going to craft, I suppose.  Any suggestions for blog topics are also appreciated.

Wheels go ’round and ’round


I’m listening to ’80s rock on Pandora today.  It’s lovely.  Not very productive, but lovely nonetheless.  Now that camp is over–speaking of which, I’ll maybe write about it at some point–I have little to do.  Well, I actually have lots to do, I just don’t do it.  It’s rather boring not doing anything.  I need to call my new school and set up an advising appointment so that I can register for classes so that I can actually go to school, but that requires making a phone call and I don’t like making phone calls.  It’s quite frustrating when you know you need to do something and just can’t.  I also need to clean and unpack. I’ll be living at home, at least for the first semester, so I need to have a place to sleep (preferably a bed) and do schoolwork and such.  I want to do something fulfilling, like complete a craft project or…something, but I haven’t yet.  I did buy some felting needles, so I could do that, but I don’t know what to felt.  I could paint, but what?  I want to make a quilt and scrapbook and read and do lots of stuff, but I don’t.  Boooooo.  I sat on the computer for hours today perusing Etsy, Pinterest, and Amazon, but that’s not productive.  I just want to DO something.  Two more weeks of this?  Whatever will I do?

This blogginess is different from 360 and Multiply; it will take a while for me to get acclimated and make it prettyful.  Remember my 360 page, back in the day?  It was so colorful and each post featured a picture.  That was fun.  You know what else was fun?  Yahoo Answers!  I visited it yesterday…how is it still operational?  It seems so…pointless now.  Oh well.  Maybe I’ll waste some time over there later.  I get lots of best answers, so, when I actually participate, I get points.  Imagine how many points I’d have now if I kept up at my original pace all these years!

I really like doing things like art when I have an assignment to complete, but otherwise I just don’t seem to do anything.  This is rather unfortunate.  It’s not that I don’t like doing stuff, and it’s not that I don’t have time, I just don’t do it.  I should change that.  I want to change that.  There always seems to be something stopping me, though.  How am I ever going to do anything if i don’t do anything?  This is not how it’s supposed to work.

I want to feel like I’m doing something purposeful and meaningful.  I want to find a new volunteer thingamajig to do, since everything I did at school is at my old school.  I will be teaching Sunday school again, but that’s only a once a week thing.  Maybe I’ll be able to work at Goodwill again, like I did at the end of last semester.  It really depends on how my school schedule works out.  I also want to get a job in a preschool, but that too depends on my schedule.  I guess the logical thing to do would be to call the school and set up an advising appointment now, but…I don’t know, I just don’t want to/I do want to but don’t know who to call or what to say.  I don’t like this.

I am hungry.  I think I shall have some cheese and crackers.  Garden vegetable cream cheese is possibly one of the yummiest inventions ever.  Seriously.  Darn, I’ve run out of cream cheese, and the only cheese spread left is port wine (eww).  I’m still hungry.  Salami and cheese sandwich it is.  Yum.

I think I’ve written long enough.  Now to find another way to avoid life.

“Life’s a piece of shit when you look at it”

May I just say, Eric Idle in the Olympic closing ceremony totally topped the Spice Girls…’cause that’s the truth.

Camp is over for the summer.  I shall mayhaps blog about that later, but we know that may actually not happen.

Now, I must clean and do schooly prep things and relax.  I also shall hopefully be babysitting a few days next week, provided I don’t need to be at school then.

My broken watch is beeping.  I don’t know how to turn off the alarm, and it’s way far away so I don’t want to get up to stop it.  I think it will stop on its own soon.  

What shall I blog about?  I don’t know; I guess I’m not really in the most bloggy mood right now.  So I s’pose I shall say TTFN to all y’all.