They’re all surrounded by people. There aren’t many outlets in this building ’cause it’s from the ’80s or something, before everybody needed power for their laptops, and the ones that are in this room are surrounded by people. My computer’s battery is running low. I should probably plug it in, but that would require me going closer to people and maybe even talking to them. Or, I could sit awkwardly next to the drinking fountain or coffee stand…but that seems a bit too awkward.
I am done with classes for the day, but I’m still at school. Why? My plan was to finish my ceramics work (six pitchers plus handles for my six mugs) for Monday before the weekend so I don’t have to drive in on Saturday and Sunday like I did last week. I thought I’d work on them this afternoon. I also thought I’d work on them yesterday afternoon, but that didn’t happen. I didn’t really do much of anything yesterday afternoon because of anxiety and depression. I tried to, I made a list, but I just couldn’t get work done. Today, I’ve been sitting here for an hour and a half since my class ended, and I’m still not doing anything. I know I need to go to the ceramics studio, but I haven’t yet, and thinking about it makes me feel icky. I don’t know why…I guess there might be people in there who would judge me or my work or talk to me or something…but I don’t really care, and there are people out here anyway. This is stupid.
I was able to do a bit of work in art metals today. We finally had some work time, but I sat around for at least 10 minutes trying to decide what to do, until the assistant noticed and asked what was wrong. Once she helped me choose which theme of drawings (we had to do 100 drawings in 10 themes of our choice…I’m still 30 short a week later) to translate into metal samples, I spent a couple more minutes trying to plan which design would use which required technique, and finally started a piercing design (which involves drilling into the metal and then sawing in it without touching the edges) because most of the other work required using the flame, which is scary, or etching, which I’ve never done before. I decided to start with something I was a little more comfortable with because I knew my anxiety was already high and just looking at the other people using the torches made me nervous. I’ll have to do that stuff eventually, though, and it’s probably best to do it soon, so that I don’t feel silly for asking for help weeks into the work when everybody else already is comfortable with it.
Really, I just want to go home and go to sleep or something. I really wanted to do that yesterday afternoon, but I couldn’t because I had class in the evening. Now, I’m done with my classes for the day and do have work, due tomorrow, that I could do at home, but I can’t go home yet because I know I need to work on ceramics. This whole wheel throwing and handle pulling thing isn’t going very well for me.
I should also probably get food at some point. I had a sandwich a while ago, so I’m not hungry yet, but the café thing here closes in less than an hour. I could go over to McDonald’s or something and get food and ice cream. That would be yummy, and they’re open for dinner time. What I really need to do is go to the ceramics room and work. But that requires getting up and going there and getting stuff out and working and lots of other things that could be made into lame excuses not to. I mean, I do want to go and get the work done, but I don’t go.
Well, the battery’s almost dead. Guess I have to go find something to do…maybe ceramics…